Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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