my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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