Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone says I win the strip club
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
