I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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