oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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