Define "chronic" masturbator.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
