I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
