Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
