I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
