It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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