You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
