And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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