Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
