All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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