All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
