U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
