I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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