Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
