May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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