She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I understand Curling. That high.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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