i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There are leaves in my underwear?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
