How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
