Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
