I think I died a long time ago.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
