Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
