so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
