All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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