I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
