The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
