if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What drink are we having for lunch?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
