we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
