god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
