Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
