piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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