I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
