And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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