4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
