Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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