Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
