I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
