I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
