Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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