I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
