i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
