I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
