Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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