apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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