my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
