Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
