so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
