i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
