At least make sure they are 18
Why
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
