sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
